I was scrolling through Instagram the other day, searching for Alice-related content as Frank requires me to do, when I stumbled across a post by MARKO, who is a… Shoe painter? Sneaker cobbler? Running shoe artist? Whatever he calls himself, he’s got millions of followers. He is famous for painting and customizing sneakers, which he then gives to celebrities and internet personalities. Well, one of the celebrities he gave the shoes to was none other than David Schwimmer. That isn’t what stopped me from scrolling, though; no, I stopped because he was making Alice in Wonderland sneakers for David Schwimmer. Originally, I was more interested in the sneakers (sorry, David). It wasn’t until after I had finished the video and had moved on to another form of procrastination on my phone that a thought entered my mind. “Why?”

Why was this man making Alice in Wonderland-themed sneakers for Friends star David Schwimmer? Does Ross have a connection to Alice that I don’t know about? Of all the things about David that could be painted onto a sneaker, why Alice? So, to answer my questions, I conducted rigorous research on Schwimmer. I began by watching all of Friends, which shed absolutely no light on the situation. I then decided this needed an A Beautiful Mind-style board with yarn and tacks. I didn’t know where to get yarn, so I used all the shoelaces in my house. After I made the board and connected the strings, I stepped back to see it in full. I stood there waiting for the answers to wash over me. I waited there for eight and a half hours, and I still had nothing.

Distraught over my lack of answers, I entered into a fugue state. Rewatching the video again and again and again and again. I stopped bathing, eating, and cleaning. I was like a modern-day Howard Hughes, except I didn’t own an airline, build planes, or date Katherine Hepburn. Finally, something clicked. At one point, MARKO mentions “Looking Glass” while talking to Schwimmer. Was this the lead that would finally answer one of life’s biggest questions? I decided to Google “David Schwimmer Looking Glass.” Finally, I got what I was looking for. David Schwimmer is a co-founder of the Lookingglass Theatre Company based in Chicago, Illinois. Founded in 1988 by Schwimmer and fellow Northwestern University graduates, the company is named after the first play they produced, Through the Lookingglass, an adaptation of Lewis Carroll's novel of the same name.

Now that I finally got my answers, let's talk about the sneakers. MARKO hand-painted the shoes, and they're jam-packed with Alice references. MARKO really did his research. A checkerboard pattern covers the toe box, with a playing-card pattern around the toe as a nod to the card soldiers. On the back, a waving blue bolt of cloth reminiscent of Alice’s dress from Disney's Alice in Wonderland, and the Nike swoosh is painted with purple stripes, like the pattern on the Cheshire Cat’s tail. Sprinkled on the shoes are additional references, including the 10/6 found on the Mad Hatter's hat. There's also “Eat Me” on one shoe and “Drink Me” on the other. The shoe was then finished with an opaque white paint over everything to simulate looking through glass. While I’m not much of a sneakerhead, I would buy these shoes in an instant. Unfortunately, the shoes were sold at auction for a charity that funds education programs for kids in Chicago. Okay, wait, my wording was weird there. It’s not unfortunate that the money raised from selling the shoes was donated to charity. That’s actually quite fortunate. What I mean is that it’s unfortunate I will never be able to afford these shoes.

But MARKO has made a mistake posting the video, as I’m quite crafty. He had basically given me instructions on making the shoes myself. While I have never painted pictures with paint, I can paint pictures with words. These skills should translate with no problem. So, with my ingenious plan to make myself a pair of knockoff Alice sneakers, I marched down to Foot Locker, bought an incredibly overpriced pair of Nike sneakers, and then I headed to the hobby store. I dropped an ungodly amount of money on paints and brushes, as the salesperson assured me that the higher the quality, the better the outcome. The salesperson was so excited by my plan that I saw them high-fiving their manager as I walked out.

After I ruined a pair of shoes trying to recreate MARKO’s Alice sneakers, I read more about the Lookingglass Theater Company, which reminded me of something. One of Frank’s planned multimedia expansions for The Looking Glass Wars universe is a musical. I, for one, am incredibly excited to see it. This tidbit of information gave me an idea. One so great that I rushed to my computer as soon as Frank told me to write a blog about it.

For those of you who aren’t understanding where I’m going with this, allow me to paint a picture with words, which apparently is the only kind of painting I’m good at. There is a theater company called “Lookingglass,” and Frank is making an Alice musical. This seems like a match made in heaven. The melding of this perfect fit would be so powerful that it might even solve cold fusion. On top of that, thanks to the power of Alice, Frank has an in with David Schwimmer, who, I for one, think would be an incredibly interesting guest on Frank's All Things Alice podcast.

It’s wild how many people have a connection to Alice. I feel like there should be a term for it, kind of like the six degrees of separation theory, where everyone in the world is connected through a chain of six people. I’m going to call this new theory six degrees of Aliceation. Where everyone in the world, whether they know it or not, is connected to Alice in Wonderland in some way or another.

Meet the Author

Jared Hoffman graduated from the American Film Institute with a degree in screenwriting. A Los Angeles native, his brand of comedy is satire stemming from the many different personalities and egos he has encountered throughout his life. As a lover of all things comedy, Jared is always working out new material and trying to make those around him laugh. His therapist claims this is a coping mechanism, but what does she know?