Earlier this year, documents were discovered in the archives of the British Museum that uncovered the truth behind the development of Wonderland's most feared troops - the Autocards.

Dear Mother,  

I wish I was writing you this letter telling you that I have good news. I just received word from the Millinery that they will not be moving forward with my automaton project. They are “worried  about the ramifications of replacing milliners with a machine.” When I asked what they meant by this, they explained that since my machines must be trained by the people whose job it will emulate, none of the milliners would bother training them. They don’t want to be a part of what will take their job. Essentially, they see the merits of my invention, but it’s too innovative for  Wonderlanders to handle. Too innovative! What a joke! Was the taming of the Spirit Dane too innovative for cobblers? The invention of the crystal continuum too innovative for carriage makers? What does too innovative even mean?  

Sorry for ranting, but as I’m sure you can tell, I’m upset. What’s really frustrating is that the creation and programming of these automatons would actually increase jobs; the only jobs that it would take are jobs that inherently risk Wonderlanders. They didn’t even listen to me when I  tried to explain that this invention is not constrained to just assisting milliners on dangerous missions; it could be used in mines or on jobs that expose one to chemicals. These automatons will save lives, but they can’t see past the initial blowback. It’s just so frustrating. I’ve put so much work into this project, and now it seems like it was all for nothing. I’m starting to lose faith in myself. When I took this job at the Millinery, I thought I would be allowed to let my imagination fly, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. I think it’s time for me to give up on this project and move on to something new. Who knows, maybe the next one won’t be so innovative.  

Love,  

Persephone  

CONFIDENTIAL  

ADDRESSED TO: BLANK 

REGARDING: EXPERIMENTAL HOUSE OF CARDS TECHNOLOGY R&D  

While I was talking with BLANK during the quarterly Millinery/HOC Wonderland security council, BLANK showed me an interesting piece of technology that was shelved. The technology is a partially self-thinking automaton, which I believe could revolutionize the HOC. When I asked why they were not pursuing this invention further, it was explained to me that the milliners were disinterested in creating a machine that would eliminate their jobs. This got me thinking: if a deck of card soldiers is supposed to be a finely tuned machine, then soldiers that are finely tuned machines themselves would only be advantageous. Since the technology was shelved, the Millinery is willing to sell us what they have for BLANK. Which, if I may say so, is a fantastic deal. 

The tinkerer responsible for the automaton is a Persephone Herringbone. I took the liberty of reaching out to her to get an in-depth explanation of her invention. She claims it can do almost any job a Wonderlander could. I think we should pursue this further for HOC use. If this invention can do what she claims, it could mitigate the risk to life for our card soldiers and, in the long run, save us money that would otherwise be used for training, housing, and feeding them. While I’m not suggesting that this machine replace a deck or even a hand, I do believe they could play vital support roles that were missing during Operation BLANK, which caused BLANK avoidable casualties and cost us BLANK. 

SIGNED  

BLANK  

Dear Mother,  

You are not going to believe what happened today! I was working on a new idea that failed spectacularly. This was going to be the final straw for me. I had decided right then, and there I was, giving up on inventing, and was going to get a job repairing old Millinery technology. As I was packing up my tools, I got a knock at my door. Standing there were two House of Cards officials! At first, I was worried something was wrong, but they explained that the House of Cards had taken an interest in my automatons! They informed me that the House of Cards had purchased my research from the Millinery and wanted to hire me. They believe the existing technology is enough to create effective scouts. I was hesitant to join at first. While the milliners are essentially elite bodyguards for the Queen, the House of Cards, and their card soldiers are exactly that, soldiers. They’re fighters first. I didn’t want to be contributing to the senseless violence that the House of Cards is responsible for. But the House of Cards officials have assured me that, with my invention, not only will there be less risk of life due to the machines taking all the risk, but if my machines do their job well, my automatons will actually be able to stop conflicts before they happen! I guess the different branches of the government see innovation differently. I did it! I created something great!  

Love,  

Persephone  

CONFIDENTIAL  

ADDRESSED TO: BLANK 

REGARDING: PROJECT AUTOCARD 

Persephone’s invention has exceeded all expectations. These automatons, which are now being called “Autocards,” move and react to the many different simulated situations in a similar manner or better than a normal card soldier would. If it weren’t for the fact that these machines can only be programmed to perform two complex tasks, I would suggest replacing all card soldiers on the ground with these marvelous machines. I am expediting the integration of the autocards into the House of Cards. The first field test will take place during operation BLANK on the outer perimeter of BLANK.  

SIGNED 

BLANK 

Dear Melody,  

I’m glad to hear that you and the kiddo are doing well, but hopefully not too well without me.  It’s crazy how big he’s gotten since my deployment. I think about you both every day. I’m about to be deployed on a mission today, but don’t worry about me. It’s just a basic surveillance mission which I’ve done hundreds of times before. Well, I guess that isn’t entirely true. There is something slightly different about this mission. Our mission is also a test for some new scout  automaton thing that apparently was a canceled Millinery technology. Those elitists in the Millinery love to shovel their trash onto us to save some cash. I don’t necessarily trust it to watch my back. Millinery tech is mainly meant for defense and protection; it’s not something that we would need out in the field. They tell us this scout will revolutionize the battlefield, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. It’s just a suit of armor with no emotions. It is incapable of any  individual thought except “complete the mission.” But if it can’t think, what would happen if something were to go wrong? I’m not saying something will go wrong on this mission, though. I’m talking hypothetically in the future, you really don’t have to worry. But the other guys have the same concerns as me. What if completing the mission involves abandoning all of us? It doesn't even have a weapon! How is it going to keep us safe? Oh well, I guess I’ll be babysitting a machine. Luckily, the hand I’m being deployed with is made up of people I would trust my life with, so doing this job one man down won’t be an issue. I was just venting my concerns because if this machine becomes standard issue and is deployed on an actually dangerous mission, we don’t know what will happen. I’m going to be fine as always. I can’t wait to see you. I miss you so much. I’ll send you a letter when I get back from my mission.  

Love you with all my heart and all the hearts on my uniform,  

Two of Hearts Lawerence Gillian  

Wonderland Gazette 

What started as a routine surveillance mission quickly turned to disaster when a hand of card soldiers was ambushed on the border between Wonderland and Boarderland. Three of the five soldiers died, but only one of the soldiers who made it back was living.  One of the two card soldiers who made it back was never living  to begin with; it was an experimental piece of technology called  an “Autocard.” An autocard is an automaton soldier. Originally created for the Millinery, they did not find the technology necessary and sold it to the House of Cards. The autocard is capable of performing complex tasks such as surveillance, security, and, hopefully, fighting on the front lines. The hope for these machines is to reduce the loss of life on the battlefield. While the test mission for the autocard was a disaster, the experiment was a success.  

Survivor of the mission, Two of Hearts Lawerence Gillian, agreed to recount what happened during the mission with the Wonderland  Gazette in his hospital room as he recovered from his injuries.  

LG: Everything was normal, I guess, as normal as could be with a walking suit of armor next to me. The rest of the hand and I  were in position surveying weapons shipments. I was tasked with keeping the log during the mission. Usually, this is a two-person job in case one of the scribes is incapacitated, but in this case, the autocard was the second scribe. I didn’t trust the autocard and didn’t want to get in trouble, so my reports were extra detailed.  

WG: Why didn’t you trust the autocard?  

LG: At first, I assumed it was some failed Millinery technology that had been pawned off to us. It was untested, I didn’t know if it would be able to keep us safe, and I didn’t know what its limitations were. While I trusted it could get the job done if everything went well, there is always a chance it doesn’t. The unpredictable nature of war, mixed with untested tech, is a recipe for disaster.  

WG: Are you saying that this happened because of the autocard?

LG: No.  

WG: What had happened?  

LG: We had noticed that the shipment was running late, which was odd. We felt like something was wrong and decided that we should

abandon the mission for our safety. But right as we began packing up, we were ambushed.  

WG: Were you spotted by the weapons shipment guards?  

LG: There was never going to be a weapons shipment. It was a test.  

WG: You were the only one to survive the ambush. How did you manage that?  

LG: There was an explosion. I was knocked back by the explosion and hit my head. So I don’t know what happened, but when I came to, I was being carried by the autocard. It was running back to our extraction point. We were being chased by our attackers, but the autocard was sprinting at full speed. Our attackers were keeping up, but what allowed us to escape is that the autocard never got tired. It ran all night. Twelve hours until we could be extracted.  

WG: You had mentioned that you initially didn’t trust the autocard. Do you trust them now?  

LG: It saved my life.  

WG: How do you feel about the fact that, because of this experiment's success, autocards will be integrated into all aspects of House of Cards?  

LG: If they are anything like the one that was deployed with me. I think it’s great news.

To Persephone,  

Our post-sortie report on the autocard test found that, while it did save Two of Hearts Lawerence Gillian, it was not programmed to do so. It was programmed to gather intelligence and report. We think the reason it saved Lawerence Gillian is that the records the autocard was keeping were slightly damaged during the explosion. With the reports destroyed, somehow, there was a switch in the programming. It was instructed to bring back the reports along with the redundancy. Without its report, the only redundancy would have been Lawerence Gillian himself. This kind of calculation should have been far too complex for the autocard; it should have resorted to its escape setting. We would appreciate it if you could come down to the factory and take a look at the autocard. Maybe you will see something we don’t, as to why it was able to think effectively for itself. 

Best,  

Head Tinkerer J.  

House of Cards 

CONFIDENTIAL  

ADDRESSED TO: BLANK 

REGARDING: PROJECT AUTOCARD  

Persephone has taken a look at the autocard and found the source of the “thinking” that occurred during the mission. The cause of the issue was how the visual sensors report to motor processing. While in the instance of the experiment, this “thinking” was helpful, we cannot have these machines making decisions whenever they decide. Persephone has installed what she calls a  “collar” that allows the autocards to think critically only when certain levels of stimuli are reached. These have been tested and will be deployed immediately. PROJECT AUTOCARD has been deemed a success.  

SIGNED  

BLANK 

Dear Mother,  

As I’m sure you know, my autocards have been fully integrated into the House of Cards. I truly never thought I would see an invention of mine as widely used as these are today. I’m going to visit the labs today, where they are going to show me how the autocards are being used in each  

branch. I created something that saves lives. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Thank you for everything.  

Love,  

Persephone  

To Persephone.  

I’m sorry you did not see eye to eye with how the House of Cards tinkerers made use of your invention. The scout autocard model was a fantastic success, and we are grateful for the platform you created, but your behavior during the exhibition was abhorrent. 

Your invention was contracted to and funded by the House of Cards. What did you think your invention was going to be used for? The MkII autocards are meant to fight on the frontline. They are weapons. Even the scout model you created is capable of fighting. Like it or not, you created a weapon, and now we are honing it. That is what we do, we are weapons tinkerers. Due to your behavior, your services are no longer necessary, and your contract with the House of  Cards has been terminated. 

Your service to Wonderlanders will not be forgotten.  

Best,  

Head Tinkerer J.  

House of Cards

Wonderland Gazette  

Today, the House of Cards has announced its third-generation autocard. While each new autocard model is called a “generation,” each generation is used for different tasks. The oldest MkI Scout model, of course, is used for scout missions as well as light-arms fighting. The MkII soldier models are standard-issue infantry. 

Now, today we have the MkIII Specialized. The specialized models are bigger and stronger than the MkII. The armor and weapons can be changed for different combat needs. Light armor and ranged weapons or heavy armored brutes. This model will be able to do it all. Don’t forget, you can see them today as they march out to their deployment on the front lines to assist the Wonderlanders fighting for us. Today marks a new age of safety for all of Wonderland.

To Persephone,  

I know you have every right to hate us for what we did to your invention, but we are having some problems and could really use your help. It seems the thinking collars you created for the autocards are malfunctioning. 

We first noticed this when the MkIII’s were deployed. Their units, while helping during battle, were disobeying orders. But, not disobeying in the sense of ignoring orders and doing nothing. No, they are disobeying orders to carry out their own maneuvers. When a hand is told to flank, it will instead conduct a forward assault with great success. The generals are finding this a problem as they can’t punish the autocards. Even if they could be punished, their disobedience of orders was found to be helpful in the end. We tried taking a look at the collar you built, but couldn’t make any sense of it. We really need your help.

Best 

Head Tinkerer J.

House of Cards  

To Head Tinkerer J.,  

The reason you have been having trouble making sense of how the collars work is that they never worked. There is no way to dampen the thinking of these machines without making them useless. These machines can come up with better tactics than your generals because they are better than your generals. Hopefully, the weapon I created will replace every living card soldier; that way, my weapon will stop taking lives.  

Persephone

CONFIDENTIAL  

ADDRESSED TO: BLANK 

REGARDING: PROJECT AUTOCARD  

House of Cards Head Tinkerer J has informed us that the autocards were always capable of thought and were never controlled by the collar. While this information is not what we had hoped for, we will not be stopping the use of the autocards. We have received intel that our enemies are currently creating their own versions of autocards, and we cannot fall behind in the arms race. But due to this new information regarding the collar, we have decided we will not fully replace living soldiers with autocards. The reasoning for this decision is redundancy. We must maintain some form of control over our soldiers. Missions and orders that must be followed exactly will still be given exclusively to living card soldiers.  

SIGNED  

BLANK

Meet the Author

Jared Hoffman graduated from the American Film Institute with a degree in screenwriting. A Los Angeles native, his brand of comedy is satire stemming from the many different personalities and egos he has encountered throughout his life. As a lover of all things comedy, Jared is always working out new material and trying to make those around him laugh. His therapist claims this is a coping mechanism, but what does she know?